>>102665709
I'm not able to be turned on if my partner isn't enjoying themselves, so I get what you're saying, but I also have deeper thoughts. The short answer is that many people who throw around "dom" and "sub" are referring to a very tame version of what you imagine. Alternatively, they're talking a big game, copying words they've learned, but don't know shit.

There is a wide gap between:
(1) "dominant" meaning taking the lead in a power dynamic
(2) "dominant" in the BDSM sense, or even just the caricature that people have of that
(3) "rape fantasies" in an abstract sense
(4) actual rape, with physical force, in real life

Setting aside (4), the huge majority of people who throw around the words "dom" and "sub" have very close-to-median preferences, but find a power dynamic a turn on. They're only "dom" in the sense of (1), they think/act like they're (2), and haven't realized the difference yet. Mostly because they've never really tried it, or they think they tried because they used a blindfold and some handcuffs once. Those people don't have a better vocabulary to express what they actually like beyond what the culture has given them. I have connections to a local scene, and a lot of people show up only to realize how "vanilla" they truly are. Many end up feeling disappointed, but that's fucking stupid. Just like what you like.
Regarding (3), there are thoughtful people (both men and women) who have "rape fantasies", but understand that they are fantasies. They understand that the reality would not be like the fantasy, and so they keep it as a fantasy. Of course for each of those thoughtful people, there are 10 other people who don't think too deeply about their rape fantasies.

This is all super off-topic, so have a Chibison as an apology for that.