a lot of people recommend the chasergen server (.gg/chasergen i think?) but i personally find it too cliquey even if i liked features like the anonymous confession bot. something ideal would be a server that doesn't have a publically available link or very vague rules against being "annoying" or "distruptive" so there's some kind of immune system against bad members. weird to implement on an anonymous board though.
i'm in the same boat though i've been looking for servers and i either leave them or get scared of my fellow /lgbt/ friends and i'm too nervous to press the join button ;(