>>24571370
I think the writing is a little too detached. I remember you saying you were going for a Legend of Arslan docu sort of style but my only experience with Yoshiki Tanaka is his LotGH and english translations for his works are just straight up garbage to ape for a actual story.

>>24571370
"agreed to meet" should have a comma there or a colon.

>In a mix of horror and chaos
Why is there a mix of horror and chaos?

>estuary
could be something simplistic.

>the circle must be broken
change it to cycle

>to begin rebuilding its construction
could be 'begun reconstruction' or something of that effect.

>nominated his phou
huh? Did you mean to type Qeno here?

>Ludou coming forth and announcing her pregnancy
same as before, no need to make dialogue a new line.

I feel like I had to reread some parts a couple of times. You full-stop pause the whole story with the kings coming together to talk about Phou. Sorry if I'm coming off as nitpicking but I only want my bros to improve. It's solid writing all things said, I have your story on my follow but I'm busy chomping on other stuff right now.