>>29188345
Yes bro. It's 100% the CIA or gigabrained psychology phds (probably both) making this shit and it's like your psyche gets one shotted by the way it exploits the archetypes buried deep within, the first time you "let it in" so to speak. And then there's another layer that you unlock once you start recognising the iconography the actual mechanisms they use, and like you said, you get this disturbing feeling while being more turned on than you ever thought was possible. It's a call off the void irresistible morbid curiosity mindfuck that terrifies you but pulls you so strongly that all you want to do is just dive into it head first and fall all the way.
The first time I conceptualised this was when I read the neverending story and momo by michael ende when I was like 11. If you've read either of them you'd probably know, there's like a theme of people being pulled into their demise, and they're powerless to resist even though they know what's coming. It really fucked me up psychologically because I wanted to understand and feel the perspective of those people and the thought that it could happen to me was just pure primal terror. And it coincided with the first time I got erections and sexual fantasies and shit, which I felt really guilty about, and I had this notion that it was something dark and evil and that I was supposed to resist it.
Pelohypnos and obscuredishonor (odpmv) go fucking crazy on this if you want to (you do) check them out
https://pmvhaven.com/search/odpmv
https://hypnotube.com/video/fear-91744.html
https://hypnotube.com/video/fever-dream-dot-exe-47917.html
https://hypnotube.com/video/bdx-animus-42262.html
Also what's your discord? I might be spotty with my availability because I'm still fighting it, but when I get like this I absolutely love talking about it with someone who also knows what's up. It's not like you can whip this topic out with your friends lol, but I have a deep need to just acknowledge it and to be "seen" by someone else