I woke up, my mind confused, pain, hatred, the nurse shouting at me to get up for breakfast, and all I could think was, “I can't be cured, I'm going to die like this...” The pain became even stronger when I saw the other patients, RPP, depression, autism, and only me - Shizik... It's impossible to understand me, my thoughts fly somewhere above the clouds... To be honest, I myself hardly understand what I'm thinking, they are so different and unrelated...
The therapist will say that I'm getting better thanks to the medication, I'll just nod my head as usual, although inside I know that's not true, the pills just give me a break, a pause, a chance to dock at the bay to refuel...
Every day, at some point, I dream of having a gun in my hands, a gun with only one bullet... And that bullet is not for me, it's for the one who lives inside me, devouring my brain, making me melt right in the middle of the street, while people run and think about something, I stand and rot at that moment... By killing myself, I will kill him too...
It's not my fault that I was born this way, is it? Thoughts consume me, I can't take it anymore...
I want no one to cry when I die, I want everyone to be happy that I... that I just stopped suffering...
Thank you, anon, for reading this. All my pain is contained in my words... Thank you!