>>23042634
I told him I was having a nervous breakdown and he immediately guessed it was over a female. I explained how serious the symptoms I w a s experiencing was but not that it was a girl on the internet and was very parasocial. I told him I lost control in an argument and said a bunch of horrible stuff I never thought I'd say to her.
He told me once you say certain things to a woman they will always think of you that way forever and if there's even a small chance in hell they don't you need to go away for a long time and give them space. Which is what I've continually failed to do.. He told me some pretty simple anger management techniques but he's not a therapist so I can only trauma dump on him so much he's just a psych there for medicating symptoms.

Everything he said was right though she's never going to forget the things I said and always see me that way. I failed to give her space over and over.
It's time I go away for good I'm just hurting myself and making myself sick by being here and having these feelings for someone who doesn't even know me.
I really wish none of this happened. It doesn't feel like something that's ever going to go away. I will ruminate and regret my entire experience here, in ftl discords, falling for Betty, being a huge loser and embarrassment. I can't do it anymore or it will kill me.
I am mentally and physically a child always will be I won't ever go farther than this trailer in this little town. I'm too scared and stupid about everything.

I really should have left the first time she told me to log off. I feel sick and wish I would die, not trying to get sympathy that's just how the whole thing makes me feel.

Goodbye or something I guess