>>22947748
not true i wanted to marry her.

but then i told her i wasnt man enough and scared to drive or get on airplanes to even be able to see her.

im such a loser it wouldnt be fair to her and i accepted that. but at the same time it still makes me feel bad thinking about her with other guys.

if i hadnt been such a failure all my life maybe it would have been realistic. im not the guy who goes on internet tv shows or does anything fun. i am completely co-dependent on my brother, i cant get well mentally, i just hide in my room and dont talk to anyone. she deserves a normal good man not a mentally sick manchild that cant leave his room without benzos and is always talking about killing himself and hating life. i am a black hole of a human being.

there was never even a chance. i cant even be her fan without fucking it up. she is a real person that does normal people things. i am some kind of failed creature that needs to stay locked away from society. i wish i could detach from here and stop ruining the threads too. its just more proof how much is wrong with me and how unrealistic me ever having a relationship is. especially with a girl like betty she is semi-famous 10/10 more stable and mentally mature than me. im like an actual retard mutant in comparison.

i will never be better than this i can only get worse