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Anonymous /mlp/42257001#42257529
6/9/2025, 6:20:01 AM
>>42257302
>A primal screech fled my lips
Bats?
Read just the first chapter, but I thought it was quite good. It's very pretty, and the premise is interesting. I like what you do with the musical motifs, and the atmosphere is great. However, the paragraph breaks are used a little too liberally. It comes across as you trying to put emphasis on every little thing, and so the whole thing ends up feeling a bit melodramatic. First person is always an interesting choice, and you play to its strengths, so no complaints there.