>>24440459
>I don't think mom's marriage is a happy one.
The reason why I initially wanted to tell the prologue from the mom's POV is that her backstory is she was meant to become a priestess outside of the island, but she got bride-napped by island's lord. So, she is imposing her lost dreams on her daughter, which I believe is fairly realistic.


>>24440493
>passive voice in opening paragraph
Sigh. I'm aware of the problems of passive voice.
That being said, this mentality of "avoid WAS like the plague"-mentality is only going to result in strange sentences. These 400 words only have 3 uses of was to begin with...
>>Relentless snow cover resisted their sled at every opportunity.
Honestly, I dislike the rewrite. if taking out "determined" and making it less poetic is the cost of transforming it from passive to active, it isn't worth it.
>just 'said' is better—only use other tags when it provokes some effect. 'told' sounds weird here
My own pet peeve is using "said" in every line.
>parses better; paused slightly with your version
Dislike it, I believe "as they were" builds on an archaic tone. I'd rather get rid of "noted" rather than "as they were".
>the lord's wife's father, or the pov character's? the structure implies the former
Good catch, replacing it with "he" is much simpler.
>nothing rude meant here, but are you ESL?
If you have to ask, does it matter?

Either way appreciate your notes, even if I disagree with some of them.