I am no longer young. Soon to be 30. But I feel like i never really had a "youth" anyway. So i dont know if i should feel remorseful about growing older and "missing out". Still, I feel like it's fucked up for people to expect me to "act my age" because I might as well be a 12 year old and nothing would change in terms of experiences. This is a cruel world and I just wanna go to bed and never wake up again.

is there a word for it when you have extreme anxiety having to deal with bureaucracy stuff and authority figures? I will avoid any confrontations like that and ruin my life than to face these situations. very unhealthy ofc.