The memories crystallized in the family albums didn’t do it justice. Maybe I had simply traded the sake's potency for losing myself in those old photos. I wonder what Aya thought of me that day of the party, bustling with desperation and begging me to come and help. I’d almost chosen to keep drowning in memories… I chose Hana that day, and now I see her and her father in the same frame, how he clings so desperately to Chen with a sulk of relief etched down his forehead, whispering fatherly comfort. His arms are mangled, burned and mummified; everything ‘him’ looks messy, hurt and scattered, and… A-And…

… Every page of the album had him and Hana further away, forcing smiles, his eyes empty—things that went ignored—, the finest details of what once was untarnished lost in the haze of two decades of heavy drinking.

I couldn’t remember, find a picture of the last time he’d genuinely smiled.

He does it now, the sight branding iron to the walls of my skull. Never forget this smile, Reimu Hakurei. You may never see the man you love smile like this again.

When his eyes pinned mine, the smile flickered away, congesting the world with silence and stillness, my body threatening a reaction to the protagonist of my many dreams. A thousand words rush to the tip of my tongue, cheekbones aching to let it all out and cure this body of sudden petrification, fire rushing from below my skin to reflect on his beautiful pupils, my wings grand like two volcanoes in eruption.

What are your thoughts, Anon? Do you feel fear in what you see, d-do you see—

“Reimu…?” He whispers, eyes scurrying to my stump.

His gaze is of worry.

—me?

Heart rages, blood set on fire responds to the single word, dying chakras vibrating as they turn to ash in what cannot be undone. I had forgotten the true sound of his voice.

An exchange that didn’t last long.

It is too much.

Like a statue being pushed, I turn away from him and his unreadable expression—a yearning to drink of his features, to beg for forgiveness as I’d done at that party. To have him with me once more, for so many nights were miserable and lonely, and nothing could replace his hand holding mine—to Hana, dazedly watching as the Sage of Backdoors caught her shoulder and stopped her from rushing into the lake that’d devoured the sun. “Oi, easy there, child!” She yells, and my Hana lashes out with a swing of the Gohei so powerful, every hair on my body stands upright, teeth clenching shut. The woman dodges, barely.

“I need to save Kasen-nee! Do something, you! Y-You backdoors could—”

“—Yuugi already went after Kasen. She’ll save her,” it’s the satori who interrupts, her eyes lingering on me briefly. Did she…? The Sage of Backdoors labors for air, pressing down one hand on the spot Hana had almost struck. “You have more dangerous things to dive headfirst into, girl.” Clashing not far away reverberates, blurs weaving across the gleaming whiteness of the lake. Few and far in-between were glimpses of a cruel red blade; the chill of meeting it with the Gohei rooted in my heart.

Hana is not easily dissuaded, throwing her eyes towards the lake and back to the satori, grasping the handle of her Gohei that way she would always do when apprehensive—

Her eyes are on mine, wide and frantic. She seeks guidance from her mom.

I shake my head, my heart tearing apart as I awkwardly stand, hundreds of paper-like mikos ready for battle—Hana follows them with her eyes—; Anon’s eyes burn a hole in my back and propagate a needy thirst: how much have I forgotten of him, the man I love? Knowing most memories are beyond salvaging, our love dead, gnaws at the courage to call his name. “She…” My legs shiver; I want to puke. He’s right there, holding a child I love like a second daughter; I’ve figured out things with Hana to a level I never imagined possible, so why not…? “Yukari stopped my Float. I’ll need you in this fight, Hana.” The sounds of clashing are loud, those two holding out better than last time; it’s as much of a futile fight, though, Yukari deliberate in the little I can see of her. She’s waiting, planning…?

Hana sucks her lips at the words but nods gingerly, the three of us forming a trifecta. A backdoor opens ahead and my Gohei falls out, my only hand catching it. “Don’t lose it again, miko.” She’d found it from toxic clouds first, now from the surface of the nuclear lake. I nod at her in thanks.

“It’s work of that sword, Reimu-san.” The satori says from a little ways behind. “She’s… stolen Kasen’s old power. It's not the same without siphoning her full soul, but be careful anyway. Okina…” Determined, she takes a step towards the sage.

“I know, no need to explain it to me.” A backdoor opens below the pink satori, a yelp echoing as she vanishes. “Get your sister out of this hell and leave the fight for the big girls.” A low, pained hiss leaves the Sage of Backdoors, fingers rusty cranks. “… We got a few seconds before Yukari stops fucking around and kills those two. Anyone got a plan?”