I love the saints in Christianity and their books, I love the religious practices of christians in general - I relate incredibly strongly to the principles of meekness and being kind, etc etc , it also aligns with my personal predilection of what I understand a spiritual sage to be.

I grew up and "am" muslim (i dont pray 5x or anything anymore but I keep up appearances/the culture) , I do not relate really to the strongman/warrior culture of islam if I am being honest, I despise many hadith etc. Muhammad is such a hit and miss guy , he also just does not align with any spiritual teacher that came before that I would respect (like the Buddha) in terms of his rulings.

BUT I cannot deny that Islam's Monotheism is MUCH cleaner. Christians insisted on making a man a god, yeah yeah "word made flesh" , but how can you believe a MAN was a god. And they ain't even talking about some metaphorical "God was in him"/"he was the embodiment of god" sorta thing, they literally mean a dude that died on a cross was their God.

I just can't do that. Can anyone rectify this dilemma? Should I just admire christianity from a distance/as a tourist knowing I have a fundamental disagreement with it?