if its in mens nature to larp as women isn't femrepping inherently the most malebrained thing one could do?

At 16 I met my first BF (both cis amab), me and him were friends for a while, had the same hobbies, etc. I really liked him but decided it was best to wait until i was 18 to ask him out. It was about a month after I became an adult that I did, and we had a nice relationship for a while. I outed myself due to being miserable at the time, got kicked out by my family, and moved in with his. After around five years of being with him I had a huge crashout, he admitted he thought I was handsome and nice, but never ever had sexual or even physical, looks based attraction to me. I admitted I never ever felt loved by anyone in my entire life, it all bounces off of me like I'm numb. I moved out and pursued college.
In retrospect, I feel like I just moved my entire life into his without some form of consent, though he would never think of it like that. It makes me feel that its far better to meet people in real life and have relationships form like that, but in this day and age, what's the likelihood of that? I do miss his company. He has the same interests, personality traits, and practically the same brain as I do, just much more reserved. Though, that might just be him rubbing off on me. I think I'm over it, it's been long enough, but at the same time I've seen a few people and felt so utterly disappointed in what was offered. As much as it sounds like I'm not over it, he was perfect. He will be stuck taking care of his family until they die, though, and if he does ever make it out and pursue what he's interested in, I think our lives are on completely different trajectories now.
I wasn't right in the head when I first moved in. I was bitter at my family, and I felt vulnerable, but I'm glad he put up with me. Despite the lack of attraction he still wanted to be together. I think I still miss him. You could probably clock both of us as eggs if you knew us long enough.