My first time was with my older brother.

We shared a bedroom growing up, and my first exposure to sex was walking in on him jerking off. Didn't care much at the time, but when I hit puberty myself, I started getting very interested in his body and what he was doing.

He ended up letting me join in. Showed me porn, taught me how to jerk off. I distinctly remember not giving a fuck about the straight porn we were watching, cause I was way more interested in his dick. Eventually we started touching each other and trading handjobs.

It didn't take long before he had me regularly blowing him. He didn't return the favor much, but I loved sucking his dick so much that I didn't really mind.

For several years that's as far as it went. I wanted to do more, but he already felt guilty enough that he was reluctant to take it further. I did eventually get him to start fucking me... but that just increased his guilty feelings, so our hookups started becoming more intense but less consistent. Especially since that's also when he started landing girlfriends.

He still used me as a backup whenever he didn't have a girl who was putting out. But by that point I understood that it really was just a physical outlet for him, he didn't get turned on and excited by it the way I did. Which is what finally led to me fully realizing and internalizing the fact that I was gay.