Let's see...

>Pirc
Austrian Attack or Pseudo-Austrian Attack
>French
Exchange variation. Fuck you for playing this shit.
>Sicilian
Open variation or if you want to be dry as fuck, Alapin
>Petrov
Fuck that, d4 or just Nc3.
>e5
Scotch or Spanish Torture. If you wanna get fancy King's Gambit.
>Caro Kann
Fuck that. Two knights/Exchange variation - Panov
>Scandinavian
Take and typical development shit. If you feel like getting crazy, Diemar gambit.
> Philidor
Fuck you, d4, and if you play that hahman shit, then I wish God saves your soul.

>>507185184