also...
you tell male and female spiders apart by their pedipalps.
females are much larger than males, and males more leggy.
the spider anon saw was likely a male yes, but because of the size of its "butt"
but because it was walking around in their kitchen.
female spiders create a burrow and nest, and then live there for the remainder of their lives while males roam looking for females after reaching sexual maturity.