I am being completely crushed by my loneliness and isolation to the point I can't take it anymore.

Despite my best attempts In the last 7 years I wasn't able to make friends neither irl or on the internet, even when I was around like minded people or people with the same interest as me, and it pains me immensely, the shame of not being able to do something other people, even people who have it worse or have much worse problems than me do as naturally as breathing.
And yeah, I would also really love to get a girlfriend, but it feels ridiculous to even think about that in the same way it feels ridiculous thinking about running when I can't even stand on my legs and walk.

The thing is that there are more important things I should worry about right now, mainly like the fact that I am 26 years old neet high school drop out with no skills, no goals, and only a shitty part time job that hardly pays anything, but I can't focus, I think about it all day, when I am working, doing chores, or eating or whatever and I keep having panic attacks over it. I can't even sit down to play a game or watch movie or browse the internet in peace anymore. It just feels so pointless doing any of that when I can't share the experience or discuss it with anyone. I used to stay up late until over 4 am, but the last 3 months I had to start forcing myself to go to sleep no later than midnight because the suicidal thoughts have gotten really bad during the night. I feels like no matter what I do it doesn't change anything and I can't move from the starting line.
I fear that due to my life long isolation and complete lack of social skills and accomplishments I am now permanently stunted and locked out of companionship, I feel like I ended up at the bottom of a hole I will never be able to get out of and the walls are slowly but steadily closing in.

I just don't know what to do anymore and death is the only thing that brings me any peace of mind.