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6/22/2025, 5:19:09 PM
>>42290528
>fairy tale
There is a shift, to be sure, and while it doesn't perfectly line up with the Creature / the Knight split, it does line up with the two halves of the story being told here. But Rarity isn't really the crone, as you call her. Maybe she would be, were she an OC, but since this is the Rarity that we know, the early moments of marshmallowness are enough to place her as, well, just Rarity (undead creature form). She's shown to be soft in her second scene, with the Creature (and later, the Lady) personas as something born out of necessity, for her own defense. Twilight is, and remains, a Paladin for almost the entirety the story across both fics, which I have more mixed feeling about.
>Yet she mind-controls an entire town to do it,
Not "mind controls"—only uses a weak charm. As in, just planting a relatively harmless suggestion that she lived there, not making her do her bidding or anything like that.
>>42290530
>consistently felt amateurish to me, and I think that's because of its tendency toward melodrama.
Bad taste, shaking my hooves! The fic is indulgent, definitely. It does, as you say, milk its scenes a lot. Sometimes it very nearly goes too far. The Chapter 3 guarding situation that you mention is where it was treading that fine line between "a lot" and "too much" the most. But it usually keeps just shy of crossing it. And is that a bad thing? Mono wanted to write this as an almost melodramatic fic. It's what gives the story its flavor. In this regard, it's about the best it could be before looping back into being cheap and failing to achieve its purpose.
>>42290533
>is the apex of physical romance
To add to this, not tagging the fics Romance is weird. What was she thinking? I can maybe understand it for The Creature, but The Knight lacking it is just a tagging error.
>This came across as almost fairy tale
I'd drop the 'almost'.
>but it's just a soft, beautiful Rarity
The setting is more fairy tale-like than FiM-like in some spots, and I would say that putting so much emphasis on Rarity's Rarityness is what makes it a good ponyfic. It's not that easy to write a good fairy tale, but it's much harder to do so while 'keeping it pony'.
>then this was a descent into decadence! Where is the romance tag?
Oh yeah, this.
>Rivermoon at the library and her adventures with Ridge being efficiently glossed over
As much as I'd like to see more of Ridge, I have to commend Mono on having a good idea what was important to the story
>it's not the best fic I've read
It isn't for me, either. But it's the best of Monochromatic that I've read (note: haven't gone through TEL yet), and I would not be surprised if, a year from now, it ended up still hanging out it my top 20 fics of all time. It doesn't enter my top 10, but I wouldn't blame anyone for putting it very high. As you said, the writing was good and some lines felt great. And I'll repeat myself by saying that North Ridge was far better that I expected him to be.
>fairy tale
There is a shift, to be sure, and while it doesn't perfectly line up with the Creature / the Knight split, it does line up with the two halves of the story being told here. But Rarity isn't really the crone, as you call her. Maybe she would be, were she an OC, but since this is the Rarity that we know, the early moments of marshmallowness are enough to place her as, well, just Rarity (undead creature form). She's shown to be soft in her second scene, with the Creature (and later, the Lady) personas as something born out of necessity, for her own defense. Twilight is, and remains, a Paladin for almost the entirety the story across both fics, which I have more mixed feeling about.
>Yet she mind-controls an entire town to do it,
Not "mind controls"—only uses a weak charm. As in, just planting a relatively harmless suggestion that she lived there, not making her do her bidding or anything like that.
>>42290530
>consistently felt amateurish to me, and I think that's because of its tendency toward melodrama.
Bad taste, shaking my hooves! The fic is indulgent, definitely. It does, as you say, milk its scenes a lot. Sometimes it very nearly goes too far. The Chapter 3 guarding situation that you mention is where it was treading that fine line between "a lot" and "too much" the most. But it usually keeps just shy of crossing it. And is that a bad thing? Mono wanted to write this as an almost melodramatic fic. It's what gives the story its flavor. In this regard, it's about the best it could be before looping back into being cheap and failing to achieve its purpose.
>>42290533
>is the apex of physical romance
To add to this, not tagging the fics Romance is weird. What was she thinking? I can maybe understand it for The Creature, but The Knight lacking it is just a tagging error.
>This came across as almost fairy tale
I'd drop the 'almost'.
>but it's just a soft, beautiful Rarity
The setting is more fairy tale-like than FiM-like in some spots, and I would say that putting so much emphasis on Rarity's Rarityness is what makes it a good ponyfic. It's not that easy to write a good fairy tale, but it's much harder to do so while 'keeping it pony'.
>then this was a descent into decadence! Where is the romance tag?
Oh yeah, this.
>Rivermoon at the library and her adventures with Ridge being efficiently glossed over
As much as I'd like to see more of Ridge, I have to commend Mono on having a good idea what was important to the story
>it's not the best fic I've read
It isn't for me, either. But it's the best of Monochromatic that I've read (note: haven't gone through TEL yet), and I would not be surprised if, a year from now, it ended up still hanging out it my top 20 fics of all time. It doesn't enter my top 10, but I wouldn't blame anyone for putting it very high. As you said, the writing was good and some lines felt great. And I'll repeat myself by saying that North Ridge was far better that I expected him to be.
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