Good old Anon, our favorite lost cause. That's who (you) are.

Like a fair few of us, you had the same goal since 2011. You would be loyal to your lovely waifu (the version in your head you made up), and be reborn in Equestria. Well, lucky-ish you. At the ripe age of 35, you choked on food while alone and died flailing on the floor. Pathetic. A death that only the tortured would envy is what you ended up with. At least the suffering ended. Not long after, your sorry soul left that ill-kept body and you managed to reach the right plane, but not the right place. Maybe not even the wrong time. It's not quite clear yet. All you know is that it doesn't quite feel right.

You look around, and find yourself in a dark, damp cave, dimly lit by the nearby exit to the outside. By the sound of it, there's a rainstorm going on outside. A heavy one. The air flowing from outside feels cool and sticky. You are not deep enough underground to experience the warm ambient temperature many caves reach.

"At least I didn't end up in the middle of the ocean," you thought. "Or worse, SFM anthro hyperfuta Equestria. Nobody wants to go there." Ever the humorous one you are, Anon, not that you can prove you're not in the latter. The realization that you don't know it's not the latter makes you stop and shudder. Keep calm, Nonny. The odds of that happening are very slim.

You look at your hands. Hands… Yep. This seems like it might be another one of those human Anon in Equestria plots. “Damn…” you think to yourself. “I was really hoping I could be a filly.”

You look around again, and notice a glint in the darkness: a tin bronze oil lamp of plain design. No rust or tarnish, so probably not very old.

You know what to do, /mlp/. Don’t make me regret this.