>>81538704
sometimes i think im a narcissist. needing a feeling of a one up over everyone has had a death grip on me for as long as i can remember. i want to be better than everyone and more importantly i want them to know im better than them. but an incessantly self pitying narcissist seems like a paradox. i believe its more likely i simply just wasnt properly loved enough as a developing tyke and now it manifests as perpetual attention seeking.
do you know how many things i bar from myself solely because it would make me like the people i hate. i havent seriously engaged with a woman in so long because any possible result would paint me, in my own eyes, as pathetic as them. i refuse not to stoop to their level but to be like them (the implications are different). this dosent come from being a sovereign monolith of strong values and virtue but from a place of resentment.
i need a lesbian harem of three. i think that would be my nirvana.