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!s6i9bBCpdw/lit/24447613#24466855
6/14/2025, 11:35:10 PM
Thank you all for reading, critiquing and especially enjoying my story. I’m honoured I was voted first place. This competition has helped me in more than just my writing. Thank you Yodo for giving us this space and putting in the effort. I’d like to take this opportunity to share my thoughts on some of the replies:
>>24457981
My favourite line:
‘Thus this persistent little man remains firmly entrenched in my psyche, like some exhibitionist that wishes to remain unseen.’
My least favourite line:
‘Among the rest of those voiceless, I no longer speak.’
I would’ve rather left it out. I feel it serves no other purpose but to placate towards the character requirements. My tendency to be vague/abstract when it comes to meaning can be a pitfall at times, but this time it luckily seems to have worked out. I tend to write for myself, and if I get it, that’s enough for me. This can be frustrating for a reader. This turned out to be true for my May submission. It’s a fine edge to tread, but this competition’s outcome emboldens me to drop the exposition.
>>24461786
>The small vocabulary details also feel real to the time period and to the character...
I wrote this after reading too much Kafka. This might’ve rubbed off on the vocabulary as well as the style/subject.
>The bar scene is the climax and had me the most eager to keep reading...
I’m really glad everyone enjoyed the bar scene that much. It served to provide some contrast and fit the theme of Crowd Madness. Though, they actually get ‘mad’, and threw him out. I took it quite literally. I’m also glad some found it funny. In everything I do creatively: Drawing, writing, music. I hate over-seriousness or snobbery. I try to always have a bit of humour. I’m not a very serious person by nature.
>>24462359
As apposed to taking Crowd Madness literally, I interpreted the protagonist’s Loss of Voice metaphorically. Everyone tells him to ‘shut up’ constantly, and no one listens to him. I added my ‘least favourite line’ out of fear for this reaction.
>>24462913
>A higher third washed over me.
It’s kinda esoteric. But you don’t need it to understand what’s happening. It’s from Zen Buddhism. The Sudden school of instant enlightenment. It involves transcending opposites, and frees one from earthly shackles, thus annihilating the self and its suffering. After being ‘...beaten bloody and routed...’ He’s broken. Hopeless. Then he shouts into the void:
>‘If you have a key, I will give you one. If you have no key, I will take it away.'
This is a famous Koan. Meant to dissolve the rational brain, its logic, and its conception of opposites. It’s based on Basho’s Staff. Another fun one is.
>‘I have nothing—what should I do?’
>’Throw it away!’
>’But I have nothing—what can I throw away?’
>’Then carry it!’
I find Zen hilarious at times.
>>24465027
>Drained, then suddenly submerged seemed a contradiction.
Exactly.
>>24457981
My favourite line:
‘Thus this persistent little man remains firmly entrenched in my psyche, like some exhibitionist that wishes to remain unseen.’
My least favourite line:
‘Among the rest of those voiceless, I no longer speak.’
I would’ve rather left it out. I feel it serves no other purpose but to placate towards the character requirements. My tendency to be vague/abstract when it comes to meaning can be a pitfall at times, but this time it luckily seems to have worked out. I tend to write for myself, and if I get it, that’s enough for me. This can be frustrating for a reader. This turned out to be true for my May submission. It’s a fine edge to tread, but this competition’s outcome emboldens me to drop the exposition.
>>24461786
>The small vocabulary details also feel real to the time period and to the character...
I wrote this after reading too much Kafka. This might’ve rubbed off on the vocabulary as well as the style/subject.
>The bar scene is the climax and had me the most eager to keep reading...
I’m really glad everyone enjoyed the bar scene that much. It served to provide some contrast and fit the theme of Crowd Madness. Though, they actually get ‘mad’, and threw him out. I took it quite literally. I’m also glad some found it funny. In everything I do creatively: Drawing, writing, music. I hate over-seriousness or snobbery. I try to always have a bit of humour. I’m not a very serious person by nature.
>>24462359
As apposed to taking Crowd Madness literally, I interpreted the protagonist’s Loss of Voice metaphorically. Everyone tells him to ‘shut up’ constantly, and no one listens to him. I added my ‘least favourite line’ out of fear for this reaction.
>>24462913
>A higher third washed over me.
It’s kinda esoteric. But you don’t need it to understand what’s happening. It’s from Zen Buddhism. The Sudden school of instant enlightenment. It involves transcending opposites, and frees one from earthly shackles, thus annihilating the self and its suffering. After being ‘...beaten bloody and routed...’ He’s broken. Hopeless. Then he shouts into the void:
>‘If you have a key, I will give you one. If you have no key, I will take it away.'
This is a famous Koan. Meant to dissolve the rational brain, its logic, and its conception of opposites. It’s based on Basho’s Staff. Another fun one is.
>‘I have nothing—what should I do?’
>’Throw it away!’
>’But I have nothing—what can I throw away?’
>’Then carry it!’
I find Zen hilarious at times.
>>24465027
>Drained, then suddenly submerged seemed a contradiction.
Exactly.
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