In Bold Anti-Terror Move, Russia Equates Delaying a Bureaucrat's Commute with Aiding Saboteurs

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Addressing the nation's most urgent security threat, the Russian government has heroically approved a plan to strip citizens of their driving privileges for the treasonous act of failing to instantly teleport their Ladas out of the way of an official's unmarked black sedan.
The initiative, championed by Security Committee head Vasily Piskarev, targets the growing national crisis of Very Important Persons being mildly inconvenienced by traffic. Under the proposed legislation, failing to part the asphalt seas for a vehicle with flashing lights—even one with no official markings, like an ambulance or fire truck—will now carry penalties up to and including the loss of one's license for a year. The law specifically clarifies its protection for motorcades of the Federal Protective Service (FSO), ensuring that no government functionary's trip to the dacha is impeded by the peasantry.
In a masterstroke of geopolitical reasoning, Piskarev justified the crackdown by linking Moscow traffic jams directly to the war in Ukraine and the "growth of terrorist risks." The logic is clear: a citizen who hesitates to clear a lane for an FSO convoy is creating a dangerous window of opportunity for "sabotage-reconnaissance groups" to strike. It is now understood that the primary defense against enemy commandos is ensuring that Deputy Minister Nobody's car can maintain a speed of 120 km/h through rush hour.