>>34119492

For as long as remember I've feared and hated life. All civilizations feed individuals to the collective, whether poor, diseased, abused or ugly. Beside those who'd steal my next breath for survival or pleasure are those who chase 'good' and condemn 'evil' ; 'evil' relies on our permission ; evil is only is rejected by accepting the need to condemn prolongs one's problems. Most intellectuals lack curiosity, disgruntled with societal stupidity yet too proud to accept information is deemed credible largely through rhetoric. Competing interests, not knowledge, even to those certified and well-read. The self-aware few lack creativity, social skill or interest. Turning inward, my physically and mentally abusive childhood stripped me of the ability to love or feel loved. My body is weak, asymmetrical, scarred, and ugly by outside and personal metrics; I will never feel secure in any identity. I live in a cycle of aching malaise, dissociation, and sharp persistent awareness to avoid the inevitable conclusion of a world encouraging me to kill myself since infancy.

coldrinse