ITT: Reddit-coded videogames

You will never be a real bullet hell.

You will never be a real bullet hell. You have no micro dodging, you have no small hitbox, you have no real bullets. You are a cover shooter twisted by aesthetics and fake advertising into a crude mockery of STG perfection.
Gamers are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed gamers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even fake bullet hells who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a gamers. Your invincibility frames are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk gamer home with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your undodgeable, wall patterns.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your developers will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your real genre, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a cover shooter is buried there.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.