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!!/7cMIiSCHvi/lit/24447613#24469603
6/16/2025, 12:26:46 AM
That Ends Well
by Hogan
>>24453844
The ending truly lived up to the title.
Out of all the stories, yours was the only one that gave me the tingles.
All the others took incredibly dramatic turns, but the gentle veering you empolyed over the course of this slice-of-live diary-entry—for lack of a better term—was the most emotionally stirring for me.
We all want the vicissitudes of a particularly bad day—the kind that keenly reminds us of our much worse world—to wash away, and I somewhat vicarioulsy achieved this through your eccentric character, so thank you.
Unfortunately, the theme was tackled in the most surface-level way.
You lumped in crowd-madness with much more banal negatives—time-wasting at the library; rain; an “open” but actually locked store—which dulled and faded-to-gray whatever the protesters “meant” into just another crudy link in a chain of rotten luck.
And, hey, maybe crowd-madness is not a complex issue at all—that’s a valid interpretation—but defusing the self-importance of it all by drilling down into why your MC isn’t a “stakeholder” on such issues, especially after their being roughed up, would have gone a long way in waving the flag of the required theme back and forth, instead of basically just shrugging it off as another mundane inequity, no different than the existence of bad weather.
Choclateria is one of my new favorite words.
Using the dated definition of this word, the way in which the protesters molested your MC was well executed—as tragic as it was humorous, which is a tough balance to strike.
Maybe I felt that you were leaving behind some of the more risible discourse on the table—assuming that this is a progressive group, perhaps highlight the irony of their harassing a disabled person?—but another part of me says you went deep enough in their unfortuante physical interaction/altercation; I just wish the MC ruminated more on it afterward to help fill out the theme.
>That day started with me entering the library and my story begins with my leaving it.
>me entering…my leaving
In this sentence, you introduced the first gerund phrase, “entering the library,” with the accusative pronoun “me”—which is the more relaxed, casual way—but then formally introduced “leaving it” with the possessive pronoun “my”—the (more neurotic) correct way.
Normally, this would be awkward/inconsistent, but I kinda dig it?
Especially here, using the correct form only after leaving the library, after learning gooder.
Your character seems the type that gets more polite and frumpy the more energetic they feel, and—intentional or not—I’ve never seen it done this way.
>singing along with Mr. Starr quite loudly.
Another author noticed this too—your otherwise mute character singing—and I think it’s great.
>With my little notepad I explained that I tripped coming out of the library, and then I got to listen to her talk.
This could also be the voice-losing, and I love it!
by Hogan
>>24453844
The ending truly lived up to the title.
Out of all the stories, yours was the only one that gave me the tingles.
All the others took incredibly dramatic turns, but the gentle veering you empolyed over the course of this slice-of-live diary-entry—for lack of a better term—was the most emotionally stirring for me.
We all want the vicissitudes of a particularly bad day—the kind that keenly reminds us of our much worse world—to wash away, and I somewhat vicarioulsy achieved this through your eccentric character, so thank you.
Unfortunately, the theme was tackled in the most surface-level way.
You lumped in crowd-madness with much more banal negatives—time-wasting at the library; rain; an “open” but actually locked store—which dulled and faded-to-gray whatever the protesters “meant” into just another crudy link in a chain of rotten luck.
And, hey, maybe crowd-madness is not a complex issue at all—that’s a valid interpretation—but defusing the self-importance of it all by drilling down into why your MC isn’t a “stakeholder” on such issues, especially after their being roughed up, would have gone a long way in waving the flag of the required theme back and forth, instead of basically just shrugging it off as another mundane inequity, no different than the existence of bad weather.
Choclateria is one of my new favorite words.
Using the dated definition of this word, the way in which the protesters molested your MC was well executed—as tragic as it was humorous, which is a tough balance to strike.
Maybe I felt that you were leaving behind some of the more risible discourse on the table—assuming that this is a progressive group, perhaps highlight the irony of their harassing a disabled person?—but another part of me says you went deep enough in their unfortuante physical interaction/altercation; I just wish the MC ruminated more on it afterward to help fill out the theme.
>That day started with me entering the library and my story begins with my leaving it.
>me entering…my leaving
In this sentence, you introduced the first gerund phrase, “entering the library,” with the accusative pronoun “me”—which is the more relaxed, casual way—but then formally introduced “leaving it” with the possessive pronoun “my”—the (more neurotic) correct way.
Normally, this would be awkward/inconsistent, but I kinda dig it?
Especially here, using the correct form only after leaving the library, after learning gooder.
Your character seems the type that gets more polite and frumpy the more energetic they feel, and—intentional or not—I’ve never seen it done this way.
>singing along with Mr. Starr quite loudly.
Another author noticed this too—your otherwise mute character singing—and I think it’s great.
>With my little notepad I explained that I tripped coming out of the library, and then I got to listen to her talk.
This could also be the voice-losing, and I love it!
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