so the balance has to be between your ability to engage in what should be considered psychotic delusion with your rational and logical mind. the systems like golden dawn, oto, wicca help beginners by giving them a framework of boundaries to systematize their delusional experiences and provide meaning and depth to them. when you begin to study outside of the systems you begin delving into deeper things like philosophy, theology, psychology, history, numerology, mysticism, astrology... stuff that is much more complex but ultimately hands you tools to verify your "delusions". This process is known as discernment. It aids you in not being misled, in not losing your mind, in balancing what is practical and useful against what is just serving to work you up into a frenzy. This is where you become adept as you no longer need the systems but are really developing your own through trial and error, balancing your experience and practical magic against the tools handed to you by a knowledge of the interdisciplinary fields that concern magic.

but once you have unlocked true actualization your connection and faith is so strong that even the need for those tools falls away. as you sit in your power and your power alone.

this is why people go crazy in the entry levels, this is why intermediates get lost in intellectualism, and this is why OP wizards seem to seamlessly transcend rules and limitation. Accept the path, be honest about where you're at, just worry about the next indicated step.