you truly can’t help but fall into misery and agony when every outcome is the same. either you get used and taken advantage of or they give up on you when you’re in the moment of weakness. you can try, put in effort, take small steps towards change, to be more vulnerable, to be more mature, to be more open, but it all loses meaning once you slip a bit, because, unfortunately, pure perfection is what’s expected and you’re only human. they will give up on you, they won’t fight for what you both have, they will leave. they will leave the same way as those that used you and manipulated you out of malicious intent. overtime it just proves that nothing you do is ever enough. it will never be. nor with the “douchebags” nor with the “good guys”. i shouldn’t be bothered anymore, but it’s so painful.