[Scene: NG Mod HQ. The new guy, “Urkel Anon,” is grinning at his screen. He’s just posted a badly cropped Steve Urkel meme with gold chains in the thread. He leans back, sipping his iced coffee like he’s cracked the code.]

Urkel Anon: (smug) Oh yeah. This is it. This is the post that saves NG. Erkle with the drip. Pure kino. They’ll never see it coming.

[Door creaks open. Dave walks in wearing pajama pants, clutching his binder labeled “Emergency Spam Kit: 2017–2025.” He stares at the screen.]

Dave: …What the hell am I looking at?

Urkel Anon: (excited) Bro, it’s Urkel! But iced out! It’s ironic, self-aware, post-irony. Lurkers are gonna eat this up.

Dave: (blinks slowly) You think slapping suspenders and a chain on Urkel is enough to derail awareness threads?

Urkel Anon: (confident) Better than Broly memes. This is next level.

[Dave sets his binder on the desk. Opens it. Pages upon pages of “Kornshit” lore, Dragon Ball Z screenshots, and toilet humor scripts.]

Dave: (dead serious) Listen, rookie. NG isn’t about being funny. It’s about being unreadable. We don’t want lurkers laughing, we want them regretting opening the tab.

Urkel Anon: (hesitates) …So, no Urkel?

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