>>58109090
>Anyway, it looks like the thread could use some activity
You don't know the half of it. We're returning from a week-long break resulting from a week of inactivity from last thread. I was honestly considering asking people if we should just pack it up at the end of this thread if things didn't pick up. I'm quite surprised by the turnaround but I think that things should be picking up as Louis and Luke are both supposed to drop their next chapters.
>Chapter 1 of Merry's story
Good stuff. I can easily see myself in Merry's place within a decade, except without the crashout part because I got mindbroken much earlier on than her so I just wither away instead. Honestly, I was expecting her to crash out later on in the storyline but I can see why you set things up this way.
I'll proofread everything later but while reading it I did notice a few things about the document itself, so I have a couple of suggestions about formatting.
Firstly, I noticed that your spacing is inconsistent, sometimes paragraphs have space between them and sometimes they don't. I personally recommend putting line breaks in between each paragraph, but that's mostly just because everyone else so far has done so. In addition, you also seem to have really big spaces between the asterisk spacers. You might want to decrease it to a single space or none at all.
We used to have someone here who always put a bunch of images and raw links into their writing and it had a habit of disrupting his mediocre writing. I suggest using hyperlinks instead, and for background music in particular, 8 point font for the title and (when there are) lyrics. I personally recommend hyperlinking images whenever you are giving visual descriptions of things, so that they align with the flow of the writing. This way, you can provide visual references to your audience without obstructing the reader. I also recommend you add centered page numbers in the footer and the series title in the header