>>41477158
Nah, we got these fancy new enchanted LEDs we've been developing that will, if they don't instantly reduce you into a neat little pile of dust and ash, transform you into a living vampire.

Missing a hand? No problem! We'll teach you quantum astral extension so that you can use your ghost appendage to manipulate material objects in your near field, as long as you aren't in the same room as the object and no one is observing the object.

Had your teeth pulled and your guts ripped out? No problem! We'll take some samples of whatever's left of you and using beyond-cutting-edge experimental approaches grow you a new set of baby teeth and gastrotubes IN HOUSE. The hardest part is having to taste that first little nugget of shit to introduce the gut biome you'll need to ingest all the fake shit that's in processed foodstuffs to serve as raw materials for the nano machine assemblages.

Have no memory of whom you are, how you got here, and what it's all supposed to mean? NO PROBLEM. You can watch the memories of the accident we can't fix in a REMlab and learn whom it is you're about to stand in for in the world of non-deceased assets.

Don't think any of this sounds like your cup of tea? No problem. We can adjust the settings on the LEDs and keep that neat little pile of dust and ash in a mason jar on a shelf until we need you.