>>34259975

For as long as I can remember I've hated and feared life. All civilizations feed individuals to the collective, whether poor, unhealthy, stupid or ugly. Beside people who'd kill me for survival or pleasure are hypocrites ; evil relies on our permission ; evil is rejected by accepting the need to condemn prolongs problems. Most intellectuals lack curiosity, disgruntled with societal stupidity yet too proud to accept information is deemed credible largely through rhetoric. Competing interests, not knowledge, even to those certified or well-read. The self-aware few lack creativity, social skill or interest. Turning inward once again my abusive childhood stripped me of the ability to love or feel loved. My body is weak, asymmetrical, scarred. I am ugly by social and personal standards ; I won't feel secure in any identity ; letting go of hatred and fear without something to replace them is tantamount to suicide. I live in a cycle of malaise, dissociation, and sharp persistent awareness to avoid the inevitable conclusion of a world eroding me from birth. There's no reason why I'm posting.

slavestay