>>24692895
Oh, thank God, I was getting nervous that I fucked something royally.
>The main thing I wanted to say was there's a lot of run on sentences and overuse of commas.
Yeah, that was an issue that was pointed out to me when I posted the first chapter of my next (now frozen) fiction: Jeweler. One anon said that I had poor sentence structure and recommended me How to Write a Sentence. Since them, I've been more mindful of how I write—as to prevent such issues.
>That's all. Aside from that, I felt that Thirteen goes along with everything a bit too quickly, but that's more nitpicky about the structure.
No, I think that's a fair criticism. I could've explored Thirteen's personality better, I didn't want to write him too much as a coward, as the story wouldn't go from there. But I do think he goes along too quickly.
That's an issue that I think my writing/story skills have is that they progress too quickly—what other's would write in three chapters I write in one.
>I dig the idea and don't think I've seen anything similar before
It started on a whim, one anon on /sffg/ was complaining that there wasn't enough kaiju stories and I agreed, got really on the mood for writing and this was born.
>I'll finish up the rest of your story sometime this week and drop a rating/review.
You don't need to bother really. I also think it falls of in the middle, but people found the ending satisfying enough. More than anything, I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I got another review today, I suppose someone from here followed and RR put on the recommended. So thanks everyone. Back when I posted I got really dishearted by the apparent lack of interest, but it has really fueled me into writing.
Especially a fellow mech author (you know who you are), thanks so much man.