>>41119363
>Earth as tutorial: The planet can be seen as a training ground, a sandbox for fragments to experience, integrate, and grow through challenges. The cycles of life, death, and dream-space are all part of that learning process.

being born in a cult that worships a god who i think because of my own experience may be malevolent, being abused by a truly evil sadist comparable to the protagonist of sayonara wo oshiete, being severely mentally ill from the abuse and having a mental illness that seems to even change my reality by manipulating my beliefs, and being on the verge of homelessness, and having an abusive physically overly demanding job full of bullies, has brought me to a point where i think about killing myself all the time. i was going to try to do it today but something happened. I dont want to live in this world anymore. i dont believe in karma because everyone is born innocent and no one deserves to become a victim for something they dont remember doing in a past life. children dont deserve to be harmed for things they cant remember doing in a past life. i dont believe anything except taoism. and when i was younger i naturally inclined towards killing myself when things got this bad but decided not to. victims and tortured souls deserve peace.

i had a dream where a voice, like the voice you hear in your head when you read, told me "some people choose to be tortured in this life so that they have an advantage in the afterlife." but i dont want to be tortured. i dont even "feel" intuitively if this is true or not. and taoism says nothing is ultimately true and what we believe creates reality.