>>512789167

(continued)

Chasing tail sucked up all of my time and energy, but I had to do it. I had to make up for missing out in high school. Stopped roiding after 3 cycles, got only minor gyno on one side... but it eats at me.
At least the anavar made my dick bigger.
Student loanmaxxed so I wouldn't have to work, which is impossible while trying to get a mechanical engineering degree, but I graduated with 60k in debt instead of 30k. Whatever.
Finally got serious about academics and my future and got an internship at a defense contractor despite my felonious record, thanks to a kind-hearted HR roastie. Good ones do exist. I knocked that internship out of the park, proving once and for all that i was a young engineer with great potential despite my dogshit academic record. The company wanted to hire me full time, but I got cocky... getting an interview with Tesla made me think I could do anything, that I was too good for the company. I talked my way into a job at an engineering firm that makes race cars and military vehicles, Pratt & Miller, and moved across the country in a 1998 Jaguar with only a few suitcases.

But I was on the benzos again. Shortly after starting what was essentially my dream job, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I resigned in a fit of paranoia.
Three months of despair, heat and shame living on my mom's apartment in texas.
Ended up back in California at the company I had originally interned for, returning as the prodigal son. Lived in oakland briefly. That place is an absolute hellhole. I quit that job too, though. I don't know if I'll ever get hired again. I'm too tired to even try.
Now living in tennessee changing oil, trying hard to summon the courage and willpower necessary to start applying for engineering jobs in Huntsville/Flordia/anywhere that isn't califaggotfornia. I'm so tired. I've been clinging to hope for so long. each time I snatch victory from the jaws of defeat I feel like I lose a bit of my soul