I considered posting it on /tv in the actual thread, /adv GIOYC and /x even because it all started from there I suppose though it's all the same everywhere, but char limit is higher here. Hopefully someone will understand.
Replying to this, as good a reason as any to let it out: >>>/tv/215890444

Bait or not, I am the exception to the rule, if it is a rule. I don't like spilling my guts on this website.

For me, lets say I'm an /x/phile for expediency, it's not about jerking off at all but absolute romance, that I don't feel like describing even. Ever since GroveAnon's story dropped on /x/ a few years ago it sent me down a rabbit hole of female vampire x male human that I don't expect to crawl out of any time soon, it's turned into something of an embarassing obsession.

I've actually went looking for "her" in my night walks under the moonlight, strangely enough I found an earring with a large red droplet on it one time, to visiting cemetaries at night, falling asleep to vampire themed ASMR, sometimes with biting, to writing a song, to writing a story, which I haven't started but the characters and plot are all there, I have the outline written down. I've researched writing quite a bit just for that. I don't think I'd want to publish it, I'd only be writing it for me and maybe some people close to me, I don't know. I suppose it would be a 200pg dramatic horror fantasy romance.

I saw Nosferatu in the theaters earlier this year and had to stop myself from weeping, it was like Dracula (1992) but a lot more savage. It wrecked me for a week, I wanted to go see it again but I probably would've died which would've been irresponsible. I understood the Count and Ellen on such a profound level, I could relate and empathize with them both. Her crying in the beginning of the film as she's praying to the cosmos for comfort was.. heavy. Count Orlock's absolute masculinity and unrelenting hardness was so close to home, not that I am like him but a part of me is. I can understand and empathize with a butter knife, which is a useless curse. No point in boasting but I grasped the film with soul, heart and mind, so I understood it better than most people, men and women, in a way I knew it intimately before I even saw it. Perhaps I'm injecting my own intensity into these stories which isn't really there in the first place because people don't react this way to them.

You don't know how much it's not about jerking off, but then again I'm not like most men here, and am probably certifiable also. I feel better for venting the misery my dreams cause, but the wretched longing will not stop until I die.

https://serpentsswordrecords.bandcamp.com/album/essence-of-the-moons-vampyric-embrace