Because as you said, you'll die anyway. Why rush there ? If you dont like your life then change it, sell everything and buy a caravan and go travel around. Go live in a jungle, go to africa and try to set up your own country, become homesteader with your own backyard farm and threathen people who come close. Learn how to work wood and build your own cabin, become a herion addict.

You are not stuck on path you are on now, you are in control of your body and if you actually wanted to you could run off into the sunset right this second