I watched a video saying you’ll feel like shit when you quit doom scrolling I didn’t believe it until I left my phone at home this morning when I went to work.

No artifical dopamine crack the whole day, got home feeling like shit. Not physically but mentally.

On the plus side the day went by a lot faster and I got home pretty quick.

Is this all we are? Creatures of habit? I want a boy or a girl to sail the seas with, to die off cliffs and race down snowy mountains with. To build beautiful things with. To kiss and be kissed on a sea shore with salty waves.

This feeling is not hopelessness or disappointment. For the first time in my life I feel longing.

For so long have I rejected the company of other living creatures because of disappointment resentment and anger.

But now I can see a painful way forward.

(I finished reading the count of monty cristo so I was feeling a certain type of way today.)