To me it reads like mania. The funny thing about depression(according to shrinks.) is that if you get better mentally that might raise your chances of suicide, because you're operating at 100% capacity and can plan out your goals better(roping.) . That's why a lot of antidepression pills have suicidal ideation as a side effects.
To me, that says two things. Suicide can be a rational reaction to unbearable physical circumstances/well-proven hopelessness, and that depression is a defense mechanism so you dont have to face the things that rationally evoke the desire to end it all..

I do wish you could trust shrinks but i've seen the kinds of people who study psychology and its just ew. Stacies that love gossip essentially. I have a friend who does psychology work for the army and he said that 70% of his classmates believed in astrology. I'm not putting my mental health into the hands of someone who doesnt know fuck from shit and is a woman.