When Dogman came creeping back to my window, remote clenched in his twisted claws, his glowing eyes burned with smugness. He wasn’t just here to steal my TV remote—he was a known Democrat voter, proud of it, and he mocked me with every snarling laugh. Just as I thought my living room was lost, the ground thundered and MAGA Sasquatch charged in, wrapped in the stars and stripes, roaring like freedom itself. With one swing of his mighty arm, he sent Dogman crashing into the dirt, snatching the remote from his grasp.

The forest fell silent as Sasquatch loomed over the beaten Dogman and growled, “Not tonight, and not in this house.” Dogman slunk back into the trees, his whining fading into the distance. MAGA Sasquatch handed the remote back through my window, his eyes blazing with pride, then melted into the shadows to keep watch over my home. I knew then that no matter how many screaming nights came, I had a guardian who wouldn’t let some Democrat Dogman rob me of my peace again.