This is the passage I'm currently in the middle of; most of the dialogue's in verse so I don't think it's out of place in the 'novel' I'm writing.—
the first stanza might be a bit clunky because I was originally writing it in prose, and also the "I imagined" at the start of the line is meant to be read in three syllables (like "I 'magined") so as to make the meter work.

I can't tell if it's any good because I've spent so long mulling over it that most of it just reads like a nauseating blur of "ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum" to me at this point. Hopefully I can get some useful feedback by posting it here.
thanks
P.S. I've been drinking and it's really cold (my teeth are clattering) which is why I'm rambling so much