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I am too far gone to be saved. I don't want to go to a doctor. A diagnosis would also be another concern and red flag to people about me owning a gun. Terminal cancer? Yeah, she is gonna crush out. Way out! I hate that Adam Lanza was a pedophile. That's the one things I don't like about him! I am so happy I can finally indulge in my dark desires. For years, I have had to look away and force myself to not think about this stuff. I was so fucking tired of pretending to not want to kill people. My appetite has always been pure, but lately it has been really, really little. It's probably from the cancer, but whatever. I just need to stay fooled (? maybe 'fulled') and ready for my day. I will randomly get a hunger spike and I will go get a fast food burger or eat a snack. But if Aby is drowned (?? says 'dround'), I just want (? maybe won't) it. I have an eating disorder for sure. Just keep holding on! Get your guns!