While opinions varied from person to person, there are plenty of examples of Union/Confederate soldiers and Union/Confederate supporters getting along with one another perfectly fine after the war at least after the end of reconstruction. Simultaneous with the lost cause narrative and the spread of Jim Crow, lynchings, etc. in the south there was also a northern fascination with the confederacy especially when it came to southern generalship and the bravado of southern troops. The current levels of butthurt about the civil war that makes it impossible to talk about without pissing off some bubba redneck or smarmy atun-shei dickrider are a relatively recent phenomenon of the past 30 years or so. We get way more heated about the civil war now than union/confederate veterans would have in the 1880s or 1910s.