>>41350017
im not sure if this is normal, just a result of my worsening of my very prevalent bpd, or just pure mental illness, but i am becoming too obsessed with the 2 people in my life.

they are my only friends, and by extension, the only true friends I've ever had. everyone else before were scum. they only had the worst of intentions and were only going to ruin me more. as a result though, my friends are the only people i think about. i don't connect with my family very much (besides my mother), i don't have a job or go to school, so they are really all i have.

yet, i cant be with them as much as they are with each other. i am stuck being a third wheel, which i can accept for the time being, does weigh down on me a lot at times. i want the same attention they give each other, i want the same love they give each other, i just want to feel like i can be held and comforted and told that despite my failings to them and the other people in the past, i am still a good person.

i have cried to both of them, both in person and online more times than i can count. they have seen me at my worst emotionally, physically, mentally, and morally. yet they seem to forgive me. im just too greedy. i ask for more than im entitled to and risk my relationship with them, yet they somehow are able to move past it and appreciate me regardless.

i dont need anyone else, i dont want anyone else, but im simply too needy to be their friend.