>>514166323
like he even says he dislikes the false smiles which is what you get in a coddling culture and forced polity. i don't like false smiles either, there's a lot of them out there. but it's not that he felt like this was a waste of time and wants to get to the core problem, it's that he feared that they weren't true. that's why you need to encounter people that force you to encounter no mask, a male experience is encountering hate/opposition and not immediately cowing before it, learning that it is an important value to stand up for yourself against enemies, haters, w/e. he choose trooning out to avoid that probably, and a thing i was told repeatedly growing up is "you get the lesson until you learn it." he never avoided it, his attempt to avoid the problem only exacerbated it - now he thinks everyone's smiles are false and fears what that could mean even more than if someone just hated him directly, he drives himself into some persecution complex and blames society for it, and still at the end knows it was himself all along - he shoots himself rather than taking some stand
>>514166936
i can understand not wanting to get old/the feeling of your body failing you (what i can't grasp is feeling this is intolerable at what, he was 19 or whatever? christ dude, either you fucked yourself up supremely or you're a damn hypochondriac), but then just fucking kill yourself, it still technically spites god and lets you escape. plenty of people take that way out. it's that he needed to avenge himself on society as an excuse to commit suicide that's really pathetic. he never wanted to win, never wanted to risk anything for a reward, all the way to the end he wanted "awww, poor baby"
reminds me of a thing my family said about onee, that she intentionally puts herself in losing situations and then gets depressed/spiteful about it, acting like she's some innocent martyr against an evil society. like complaining about health but she ballooned to obesity in a few years