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Before the attack, I could sneak-attack them with a knife! It would be so satisfying to tell them that I am about to do a mass shooting as I stab them. I would love to see the look of horro on their face as the life drains from their eyes. It's still risky as I could get blood on me and get stopped on my way. Still risly but definitely possible! I will see how I feel on the actual day. It is so awkward in my home. I am so uncomfortable in my home! I hate being around this sad fuck (?? unsure, says 'sak'). I want to be at metro, looking at guns! Not here, pretending to care as (?). I seat here. In silence with Aby. Sniveling on my arm. I am in so much pain. My cancer is catching up. I will be dead soon, suicide has made me want to live to see the day I choose to die! Those FEDs better send me my permit soon! Or I will have to steal some guns, I guess.