Does anyone know of A Hypnotism video that hypnotizes you into killing yourself? I heard a legend of a video like that existing. Does anyone know where i can find it?

Does anyone know of A Hypnotism video that hypnotizes you into killing yourself?
I'm REALLY PISSED OFF right now because last night, i was going to kill myself with sodium nitrite but I literally chickend out right at the last minute. The problem is that i have too much "self love" and the only reasons why i want to kill myself is because i HATE the world around me and I want to ditch everyone and everything here and leave them all behind for ever.
Does anyone know any videos that would hypnotize me into killing myself? There must be something like that that actually exists.