>wake up after sleeping on my floor matress after a long week of stressful meetings with clients at my software engineering job
>think about how despite working at a company with a surprisingly high number of women I can't relate to any of them despite being 10 years HRT now
>also think about about how I can't even relate to men either anymore
>throw on a baggy band tee and some shorts and go the gym
>walk past countless zumba and spin classes filled with middle aged women
>also see a crowd of teenagers doing football drills
>remember how my dad used to encourage me to play football but I hated it along with all the boys in the football club.
>fight back the tears admists an incredible sense of loneliness.
>do my free weights routine and finish up by doing a 20 minute rowing session while listening to an Economist podcast about Chinese hovercars
>only me and one other person in the gym at this time, he's a 6'3 gigachad with a pretty face that belongs on a popstar.
>doesn't even look at me, nobody who isn't a ugly obese bastard ever looks me.
>...
>grab a pumpkin spice latte on the way back because it makes me feel like 0.00001% less of a moid failure
>watch videos about redstone engineering and history
>get a makeup advert where some fat bimbo talks about how everyone needs 4 different mascaras
>find her voice and idiolect to be incredibly grating to the point where her saying "this is just sooo fab and this is also sooo fab" echo in my mind for a solid hour afterwards
>take a cold shower
>wander about what it would be like to have enough patience and attention to detail to actually care about my shade of mascara
>feel incredibly exhausted just thinking about it
>remember that I need to buy new clothes as well
>feel even more worn out by imagining spending 2 hours shopping for clothes that probably won't look good on my male skeleton
>break down crying again
>...
>hmm those history videoes were quite interesting, guess I'll play some HoI4 today

Sometimes I forget it's technically possible to win a coin flip and just get the character you want

My friends think I'm an insane workaholic because I spend time on the weekends programming/studying

My coworkers think I'm lazy and disinterested because I only code as a hobby/study for a few hours on the weekend