not a bait post, i despise myself for it.
even without talking about stuff like current politics i just hate this country. i hate the profound ugliness that seeps through it. people here no matter what 'class' have a really perverse, lifeless 'why bother' mentality that festers here unlike what ive seen elsewhere, its ugly. i go outside and get depressed because i live in a fucking shithole and even the nicer areas barely compete with those in other western euro countries, it is so ugly. there is no positive culture or elegace, it is just go to a pub and watch football, so profoundly crude and again, ugly.
there are some good aspects that i like such as historical authors or tea culture but i still find myself admiring the histories and peoples of neighbouring countries more. i just prefer their cultures to ours even at its best.
i tried to get to the root of why nationality and heritage has been so important to me since i was a kid and work from there but i cant. it just is. if i were werent white i think id just accept who i am but im so close to it its agony.
im sick of waking up every day wishing i was born in france or germany. id still be a retarded loser but at least id be around beautiful architecture, a more admirable culture, better people, and pride in my heritage and history. sure i could move there but im not one of them. my lineage has amounted to this, these people and this culture is mine and nothing else, i cant take it. i cant change it but i still hate myself for it knowing that. what do?