>used to go to Chinese takeaway years ago
>owner usually at counter
>he speaks very poor English
>friendly old man
>keeps asking me personal questions
>"u hav job?"
>I don't have job
>have to admit that i don't hav job
>"wat u do in school!?"
>haven't been to school since I was 12 years old
>have to admit to chinese man that i'm a failure
>"oh... u lik football?"
>tell him I only like Gaelic football and hurling
>he doesn't understand
>awkwardly repeat
>"oh u mean were ball bounce?"
>try to explain and clarify but my brain just shuts down
>can't think at all
>mind goes completely blank
>stare into blank space not really wanting to be here but don't want to be rude
>really embarrassed
>it's dead silence for about a full awkward 40 seconds
>new customer walks in
>hesitates to order
>looks over at me
>he almost instantly realises that something is wrong because there is a frozen retard looking at the wall while the chinese man looks at him with worry
>everyone (two people) are looking at me in silence
>20 more silent seconds later chinese man taps me on the hand and says "it ok, u can go naow"
>instantly walk out without looking at anyone
>never go back there again

>back to childhood, around 9 years of age
>on summer holiday
>everyone enjoying themselves
>realise I haven't seen my brother is no where to be seen in dream
>realise that I haven't seen him for very long time
>ask parents who are out sunning them selves where little brother is
>"oh, he's gone. Dead. We forgot to tell you"
>"anon we're having steaks for dinner, you want one!?"
>feel fucking sick to my gut
>everyone just goes on like normal
>just have to get on with things
>dream jumps forward to next year in school playground
>still feel the same sickening dizzying feeling that something is very, very wrong but it's just but to the back of my subconscious mind
>at some point i'm like 18 years old, experiencing real life memories without him but it's all tainted
>wake up crying like a baby
WHY THE FUCK would my mind do this to me?!