>>58490927
>I WANT to go on your journey with you, rather than just having it recounted - self-discovery is a big part of this thread.
Damn, well then, something to take notes for...
>You also might wanna consider looking up a few synonyms for "odd".
Fuck, I thought I could be stealthy about my ESL status for a while, you got me.

>>58491250
>I love your thoughts on the consequences of this transformation, but I want to see more of it in actual action.
>See that we would've loved to see in-between the earlier ruminations
Yeah, fair on all grounds. I think I'll have to switch how I go about writing it slightly. I actually worried that frontloading the stuff about what he did could be tacky so I wanted to build up his background through recountings, adding in tose details like messing stuff up or figuring out how to fly being built up over time rather than all of that being explained linearly. I did also worry that describing actions could be off-putting in a sense? I wanted it to all be his somewhat "raw" thoughts as they come, and you don't usually describe the actions you're doing in your mind as you do them, right? Not like I'm thinking "I'm using the keyboard and pressing this and that key", I just kinda... Use the keyboard, so adding that to his immediate train of thought felt off in a way. Kinda why I figured indirectly implying he went to his computer n opened up desktop LINE would be a better way of getting across that as opposed to "After booting up my computer, looking through my files and all that jazz, I do have LINE on this. I click on it, and I'm met with an update screen." Maybe I should just cave n add that sort of writing in if it'd help the story read and flow better...

Regardless, thanks a ton for the feedback Macho, really do appreciate it! This is my first time doing something in this specific style so I definitely gotta work out some kinks, hope this early stuff won't be jarring to go back to if I do change up my approach though...